Death will have touched most of the people reading this is some way In your lifetime. It strikes me as odd that it is a topic that is not raised more in general conversation. Loosing Sol changed my outlook on life forever.
Let me tell you a little bit about my brother Solomon.
Sol and I in Bradford England back in 1985
Some of you will have excellent recall of the first few years of your life. I don't! I have fleeting memories from approximately age 4 but even then I'm not sure if it's stories that I have been told by the adults who were present at the time or genuine memories. So despite having approximately 100 billion neurons which in turn make over 100 trillion synaptic connections memories still somehow manage to fade to such a point that it is impossible for me to honestly say I remember things particularly if I have also been told the story by someone else............ but I digress. I knew my brother as someone who always did what he was passionate about. What impressed me most however was the sacrifices he was willing to make, his lack of procrastination and the way he immersed himself into every endeavour.
I'm finding this blog rather difficult to write, I guess it was never going to be any other way. My thought process is rather scattered I have so many stories but also to my shock so much about Solomon's life that I knew little or nothing about until he passed away. Another difficulty is not to adulate Sol unduly which is difficult when in 31 short years he touched so many people myself included but I will try.
My formative years were spent in Belfast Norn Iron. My eldest sibling is my sister Ruth smart, organised loving and responsible beyond her years. I told my sister that if my daughter grows up to be as balanced and beautiful a human being as my she is I will be a very happy father. Ruth was like a second mum in many ways, there are 6 years between Ruth and I, growing up she did so much for me a memorable example was Ruth taking me to the train station to get to Larne harbour to meet up with the under 15 Northern Ireland squad to compete in a national event. Athletics meant everything to me at that time and I can't remember why but my parents couldn't take me to the ferry terminal so Ruth stepped up and if I remember correctly paid for my bus and train tickets. To this day I appreciate her sacrifice that enabled me to have that experience and get that shiny medal.
Solomon came next. 4 year gap between Solomon and I. Where academically I was your average B and C student Sol was your straight A's guy. Where I was a hyper, gregarious probably an annoying kid Sol took a more measured approach on life. Where we were similar Sol and I both actively sought experiences. Sol travelled extensively both recreationally and with his IT job, he also had many hobbies which I shall elaborate on later.
Sol's health was not always the best. He suffered from a condition called Sickle cell anaemia. Now some of you may have learnt about this condition but I'll tell you what I know about how it manifested itself. Sickle cell anaemia really only affects people who's recent ancestry is from an area where the risk of contracting malaria is high. Incidentally malaria kills about 1.2 million people every year with Africa being the most affected continent.
A little about the condition. Sickle cell is a hereditary blood disorder characterised by red blood cells instead of being round and cylindrical take on a rigid abnormal sickle like shape. This greatly reduces the red blood cells flexibility resulting in a risk for many complications. People who have this single mutation in the haemoglobin gene are said to have a sickle cell trait. Sickle cell trait offers a certain level of immunity to malaria for patients with this trait. They don't display as severe symptoms to malaria as those who do not have the trait which when you look at the statistics is clearly a big advantage. The trouble happens when two people with sickle cell trait mate like my mum and Dad. Their children in this case Ruth, Sol, Femi and I all had a 1 in 4 chance of inheriting a pair of this mutated haemoglobin gene and like a perfect science experiment that proves the hypothesis Sol got Sickle cell anaemia.
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| Ruth, Sol, Michelle and Femi |
Sol had many sickle cell crisis attacks.Although there are things such as infection that are known to increase prevalence there was often no warning or predisposing factor when Sol would suffer an attack. The sickled red blood cells would cause obstructions in capillaries leading to organs causing pain, necrosis and ultimately organ damage. These episodes would last varying amounts of time from a day or two to a couple of weeks of intolerable pain. How he managed to smile to people while hooked up to blood transfusion bags and opiates will always be a wonder to me. I remember how utterly helpless I felt to take away the pain, only the strongest opiates would help mask the pain of the crises episodes Solomon had and that was after the medical team in Belfast had sought advice from colleagues in Birmingham from memory where due to the larger ethnic minority population this was a much better known condition.
Make no mistake however Sol did NOT let his condition affect the life he chose to live.
His loves included and this is not an exhaustive list:
Salsa....... I knew Sol did a bit of Salsa but had no idea the level of proficiency he reached. After Sol's passing I got to meet many of his friends and dancing partners. I was shocked at how well known, well liked and respected Sol was in the Salsa dancing community not just in Ireland but everywhere in the world he danced. I speak for myself and my whole family when I say we were blown away by the response from the Salsa community. The many letters of condolence as well as stories that gave me a glimpse into this part of Sol that I knew little about have all been massively appreciated. A reoccurring story was how much Sol would help people who were new to Salsa or struggling to get a particular step another was that Sol regularly danced 'on 2'........... I still don't really know what that means but sounds just like the complexity Sol would seek out.
Dj costa del sol was my brothers DJ persona again I knew nothing about this.
I remember Sol would sometimes sing along to some songs in Spanish what i didn't know was that he went ahead and learnt Spanish gaining at least one formal qualification. I knew nothing about this either.
Sol achieved a Gold standard accreditation from the institute of advanced motorists. I didn't even know he was that interested in driving. I always thought I was the petrol head in the family.
Now I will talk about things I knew a little more about. From a young age Sol was interested in computer technology. Remember that this was very much in it's infancy as far as access and development but Sol with his dedication, patience, single mindedness and hard study got a first class honour's degree from Queens University Belfast in computer science. More than any job he did or accolade he received I remember his passion for technology, It was so infective!
Sol was there for me so many times an example of him going way out of his way was when he turned up to my graduation from university in 2003 when no one else in the family could. Sol flying over to Edinburgh at his own expense typifies the man.
As an Uncle to my sisters children, his niece Michelle and nephew Tyrese Sol once again set the standard for being involved in their lives. I hope I am painting a picture of a man who gave and gave freely to everyone he met. It will therefore be no surprise to hear that I asked Sol to be the best man at my wedding, his untimely passing happened not long before the wedding. You were very much missed Sol.
Femi is the youngest in the family. The 'best man' at my wife and I's wedding this young man stepped up to the plate at short notice following Sol's passing and made me very proud.
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| Sol and Femi Dec 2005 in Ney Jersey |
The Femster developed Sol's love for IT. I regularly call upon him for help for example following catastrophic failure of my laptop, what took me 3 days, too many cups of coffee and excessive use of 'google' to figure out but not solve he was able to diagnose and solve in a couple of hours!
Femi has an ongoing achilles tendon rupture with lots of complications so feel free to send your love and healing tentacles his way.
Following Sol passing I remember the difficult conversations I had with people who were unsure what to say. Interestingly I learn't such a valuable lesson. The lesson is that very little is the right thing to say in that situation but similarly very little is the wrong thing to say either. Go ahead and say anything the recipient will understand that its difficult for everyone involved and from my experience massively appreciated. Every card, phone call, hug all helped the grieving process.
To me Sol lived a remarkable life the impact of which resonates with me more today than ever before. Eventually I realised that anything is possible. When you see the efforts pay off particularly when the example is set by one of your own siblings who shares genetic make up as close as is possible with the exception of mono zygotic twins, you run out of excuses. When you see the dignity and courage with with Sol managed sickle cell disease you cannot help but be humbled and when I hear of the relationships he had with just about everyone he met it inspires me to be a better person.
If you can read this where you are bro first of all sorry I know you will find this very embarrassing, you never courted praise but you have given me an important gift. The gift is to appreciate people more, to seize each day and to find a way to do the things that I love and for that I will be forever grateful.
With Love as always
Peter
